I think I can. I think I can.
Yes, I did it, I think I did it. Of course I did! I am sure of it. I signed up for the talent show. Now question, what is my talent?
"Oh great! This is brilliant! Why did you sign up in the first place?" yelled my friend who was in charge of the talent show. (Yes, I told him my dilemma. In other words, I tried to withdraw)
"Do you think you can replace me?" I asked.
"Are you insane? Of course not! You just have to find a talent by the next five days," he told me.
***
So here I am, I have absolutely five days (yes, you heard me) to find a nonexistent talent. And so to help myself, I have decided to come up with an incredible list of talents, which I could try to do.
List
1) sing
2) dance
3) play a musical instrument / musician
4) get an amazing pet (exp: talking parrot)
5) comedian
6) gymnastics
7) karate / judo
8) public speaking
9) daredevil
10) acting
11) mime
12) do balloon animals
13) artist
14) athlete
15) juggle
***************
And so I wrote my list and being an idiot I just realized I am, I showed my list to my friends Emma and Tim.
Note to self: Friends are your worst critics.
The reason? They will tell you the cold hard truth even if it hurts. And man, did it hurt.
So let's begin.
Emma: sing? You can't do that!
Tim: Go on try it.
*some singing on my part*
Emma: Stop!
me: But I've not gotten to the chorus.
Tim: Believe her. Just don't ever sing in public again.
1) sing. (can't sing.)
All right, let's try no2.
Tim: Dance? You got to be kidding me.
Emma: Let's just see what you've got.
*Some dancing on my part*
Tim: You are joking. That isn't dancing.
Me: But I...
Emma: Don't bother. You did not dance.
Tim: You moved yes but you did not dance.
Emma: Don't ever do the sprinkler move ever again.
2) Dance. (burns people's eyes.)
Next one
Emma: Musician?
Tim: Wait you know how to play an instrument?
Me: Well I know how to play the triangle/
Emma: Stop! Next one please.
3) Play a musical instrument / musician (triangle does not count)
4) Get an amazing pet (does not own one)
Me: Aww...come on. I could get one.
Emma: How? Where?
Me: I could borrow one.
Tim: Idiot! It's a talent contest for yourself not a pet. Next!
Next
Emma: Hmm... Seems promising. Comedian.
Tim: Come on, let's here a joke.
Me: All right. What did the teacher say to the misbehaving student?
Tim: What?
Me: You are in trouble.
*Silence*
Me: Get it? It's funny.
Tim: You are hopeless.
Emma: Next!
Number 6
Emma: Gymnastics, do you even know what that is?
Me: Of course I do
Tim: I'm just surprised you could even spell it.
Me: I resent that.
Emma: Seriously, do you know what it is?
Me: Some girly thing. You wave ribbons about.
Emma: No, you do stunts. Like bone-breaking ones that you are an idiot if you try it at home.
Me: oh.
6) Gymnastics (idiotic)
7) Karate / judo
Me: I can do that!
Emma: Really what form of martial arts do you know?
Me: The one that's really good.
Emma: Okay, I'll say this simpler. What belt are you?
Me: I'm not wearing any belts.
Tim: What she means to say is, tell us what you know.
Me: Oh, I can poke someone in the eyes after knocking them in the unmentionables.
Emma: Just kill me now! Oh! Please just kill me now!
Me: Is she serious?
Tim: Just look at the next one.
8) Public speaking??
Emma: My dear naive little friend. This is a talent competition, not a public speaking one. If it was, then it's all right.
Number 9
9) Daredevil
Emma starts laughing uncontrollably earning a disgruntled stare from me. When I started to ask Tim, he stopped me by saying, "Don't ask. Just move on."
Number 10
Emma: You can act?
Me: Yea, I can do Shakespeare.
Emma: All right, carry on.
Me: To be or not to be, that is the question.
Tim: continue
Me: That's all I got.
Tim: Next!
*****************
Emma: It's the third day. Can we just give up?
Me: No! I will get killed.
Tim: But it's your own fault anyway.
Me: I really resent that.
Emma: All right, how do we have left?
Me: Five. What too much?
Emma: Never mind.
****************
11) Mime
Emma: You can't mime.
Me: Of course I can.
Tim: Remember the time you tried that at a birthday party? And no one understood you. You tried to choke a kid.
Me: He hit me with a rubber ball.
Emma: You are so screwed.
12) Balloon animals
Emma: Do not say a word. It's best for mankind if you don't touch balloons.
Tim: Think back. You will recall that each time you tried to tie a balloon, it burst.
Me: I hate you.
13) Artist
Emma: I'm unsure about this.
Me: Come on, I know I can do this.
Tim: At least you are enthusiastic. I give you that.
Me: Now don't move. I'm going to draw the both of you.
*20 minutes later*
Emma: That's not a real drawing.
Me: It looks just like you.
Tim: I don't have a moustache.
Me: Oh, I added that for effect.
Emma: What I don't get is that you took twenty minutes to draw stick figures.
Me: Every one's a critic.
14) Athletic
Me: I always thought I could do that.
Emma: Correction, you always dreamt, you could. However this is reality.
Tim: Truth is, you and sports just don't mix.
******
Tim: I'm afraid to look at the last one.
Emma: Hmm..juggling. Lame, but it's all you've got.
Me: Hey, juggling isn't lame. It's fun.
Tim: Wait. You know how to juggle?
Me: Not exactly.
Emma: Just try it.
Me: Hey I'm not that bad.
Tim: Yea, just do it faster.
Emma: Oh boy, I think he's found his talent.
Tim: Who would have thought it’d be this lame.
Me: I hate you.
Yes, I did it, I think I did it. Of course I did! I am sure of it. I signed up for the talent show. Now question, what is my talent?
"Oh great! This is brilliant! Why did you sign up in the first place?" yelled my friend who was in charge of the talent show. (Yes, I told him my dilemma. In other words, I tried to withdraw)
"Do you think you can replace me?" I asked.
"Are you insane? Of course not! You just have to find a talent by the next five days," he told me.
***
So here I am, I have absolutely five days (yes, you heard me) to find a nonexistent talent. And so to help myself, I have decided to come up with an incredible list of talents, which I could try to do.
List
1) sing
2) dance
3) play a musical instrument / musician
4) get an amazing pet (exp: talking parrot)
5) comedian
6) gymnastics
7) karate / judo
8) public speaking
9) daredevil
10) acting
11) mime
12) do balloon animals
13) artist
14) athlete
15) juggle
***************
And so I wrote my list and being an idiot I just realized I am, I showed my list to my friends Emma and Tim.
Note to self: Friends are your worst critics.
The reason? They will tell you the cold hard truth even if it hurts. And man, did it hurt.
So let's begin.
Emma: sing? You can't do that!
Tim: Go on try it.
*some singing on my part*
Emma: Stop!
me: But I've not gotten to the chorus.
Tim: Believe her. Just don't ever sing in public again.
1) sing. (can't sing.)
All right, let's try no2.
Tim: Dance? You got to be kidding me.
Emma: Let's just see what you've got.
*Some dancing on my part*
Tim: You are joking. That isn't dancing.
Me: But I...
Emma: Don't bother. You did not dance.
Tim: You moved yes but you did not dance.
Emma: Don't ever do the sprinkler move ever again.
2) Dance. (burns people's eyes.)
Next one
Emma: Musician?
Tim: Wait you know how to play an instrument?
Me: Well I know how to play the triangle/
Emma: Stop! Next one please.
3) Play a musical instrument / musician (triangle does not count)
4) Get an amazing pet (does not own one)
Me: Aww...come on. I could get one.
Emma: How? Where?
Me: I could borrow one.
Tim: Idiot! It's a talent contest for yourself not a pet. Next!
Next
Emma: Hmm... Seems promising. Comedian.
Tim: Come on, let's here a joke.
Me: All right. What did the teacher say to the misbehaving student?
Tim: What?
Me: You are in trouble.
*Silence*
Me: Get it? It's funny.
Tim: You are hopeless.
Emma: Next!
Number 6
Emma: Gymnastics, do you even know what that is?
Me: Of course I do
Tim: I'm just surprised you could even spell it.
Me: I resent that.
Emma: Seriously, do you know what it is?
Me: Some girly thing. You wave ribbons about.
Emma: No, you do stunts. Like bone-breaking ones that you are an idiot if you try it at home.
Me: oh.
6) Gymnastics (idiotic)
7) Karate / judo
Me: I can do that!
Emma: Really what form of martial arts do you know?
Me: The one that's really good.
Emma: Okay, I'll say this simpler. What belt are you?
Me: I'm not wearing any belts.
Tim: What she means to say is, tell us what you know.
Me: Oh, I can poke someone in the eyes after knocking them in the unmentionables.
Emma: Just kill me now! Oh! Please just kill me now!
Me: Is she serious?
Tim: Just look at the next one.
8) Public speaking??
Emma: My dear naive little friend. This is a talent competition, not a public speaking one. If it was, then it's all right.
Number 9
9) Daredevil
Emma starts laughing uncontrollably earning a disgruntled stare from me. When I started to ask Tim, he stopped me by saying, "Don't ask. Just move on."
Number 10
Emma: You can act?
Me: Yea, I can do Shakespeare.
Emma: All right, carry on.
Me: To be or not to be, that is the question.
Tim: continue
Me: That's all I got.
Tim: Next!
*****************
Emma: It's the third day. Can we just give up?
Me: No! I will get killed.
Tim: But it's your own fault anyway.
Me: I really resent that.
Emma: All right, how do we have left?
Me: Five. What too much?
Emma: Never mind.
****************
11) Mime
Emma: You can't mime.
Me: Of course I can.
Tim: Remember the time you tried that at a birthday party? And no one understood you. You tried to choke a kid.
Me: He hit me with a rubber ball.
Emma: You are so screwed.
12) Balloon animals
Emma: Do not say a word. It's best for mankind if you don't touch balloons.
Tim: Think back. You will recall that each time you tried to tie a balloon, it burst.
Me: I hate you.
13) Artist
Emma: I'm unsure about this.
Me: Come on, I know I can do this.
Tim: At least you are enthusiastic. I give you that.
Me: Now don't move. I'm going to draw the both of you.
*20 minutes later*
Emma: That's not a real drawing.
Me: It looks just like you.
Tim: I don't have a moustache.
Me: Oh, I added that for effect.
Emma: What I don't get is that you took twenty minutes to draw stick figures.
Me: Every one's a critic.
14) Athletic
Me: I always thought I could do that.
Emma: Correction, you always dreamt, you could. However this is reality.
Tim: Truth is, you and sports just don't mix.
******
Tim: I'm afraid to look at the last one.
Emma: Hmm..juggling. Lame, but it's all you've got.
Me: Hey, juggling isn't lame. It's fun.
Tim: Wait. You know how to juggle?
Me: Not exactly.
Emma: Just try it.
Me: Hey I'm not that bad.
Tim: Yea, just do it faster.
Emma: Oh boy, I think he's found his talent.
Tim: Who would have thought it’d be this lame.
Me: I hate you.
The end.
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