One more drop

He wanted it so desperately.

 One more drop. That was his only thought.  

One more drop. One more sip. One more glass. Anything to drown the pain. Anything to drown the reality of feeling utterly useless. Anything to cover up the truth that things were going wrong. That he made the mistake to ignore the truth. To ignore the one thing he ever cared about.

 Her!

His thoughts just whirled in his head as he stared through his bloodshot eyes around the messy room. He sat on his bed utterly resigned. He never meant it to go this far. He never meant it to hurt anyone.

It started with just you know the casual drink here and there. And he was never much of a drinker. He just enjoyed having a good glass of wine after a day's work. He enjoyed the few beers he drank with his pals at the bar. It did not make him an alcoholic. No, it did not.

What was the big deal?

It wasn't! Yet, it was always one more drink. That one drink leading to an extra hour away from home. That one drink that led to five more. That fifth leading to the eight which had him dragging his feet all the way home at five in the morning.

BUT I NEVER GOT DRUNK! That thought rang angrily with a shrill in the back of his mind.

He knew she was waiting. He knew he had responsibilities. But he was enjoying himself.  The music in the background. The great time with friends.

 Sometimes a MAN NEEDS TO GET AWAY! JEEZ!

Frustrated, he held on to his hair. Sometimes, he continued in his mind. Sometimes, I was just caught up.

The voice inside him grew faint. Sometimes, I was just caught up.

Again and again it repeated. Sometimes, I was just caught up.

And finally as tears ran down his shallow face as he sat on his bed with his head in his hands, as the anger died inside of him,  one  sole thought remained.

I'm sorry.

A new begining

I had to wake up 

I had been asleep for far too long

Drowning in my thoughts of unending misery

A perspective I painted alone

Suddenly I realized I accomplished nothing

I was no different than any other person 

standing in that room

The reality struck me, cold, stern, unyeilding,

I realized I was asleep in my mind and 

if....I remained as I am

I will head no where

Lost

Eternally in my own thoughts

Would my dreams lay asleep as old ghosts in shadows

No More! No Longer!

For Today I choose to Awake!

Today I choose to Rise!

*****************

Today I choose to Rise!

For Today I choose to Awake!

No More, No Longer, 

Would my dreams lay asleep as old ghosts in shadows

Eternally in my own thoughts

Lost

I will head no where

if... I remained as I am

I realized I was asleep in my my own mind

The reality struck me, cold, stern, unyielding

Standing in that room,

I was no different than any other person

Suddenly I realized I accomplished nothing

A perspective I painted alone

Drowning in my own thoughts of unending misery

I had been asleep for far too long

I had to wake up

-awaking-

He loves me, She loves me not.

I stand there staring at the window wondering why is it raining when I wish to go out. And hence decide to stay home instead. After an hour of lazing about and playing tetris. My phone rings and my life is busy all over again.

As I get ready to go out. He stares at me with forlorn eyes. My sweet little darling. My Strauss. My dog. He stares ever hopeful for a treat and with sad puppy dog eyes as I make my way to the door.

But as I put on my shoes I see someone at the laptop keying in her facebook statuses. Tapping noises heard as her fingertips make contact with the keyboard. Her face so much like mine.
Bye Karyn, I yell.

Mmm, she grunts. But Strauss stares still with sad eyes.

He loves me, She loves me Not.

Life lessons found here and there.

Lesson 1:

Naked Wife A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Be...fore she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,… “Who was that?” “It was Bob the next door neighbor,” she replies. “Great!” the husband says, “Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”

Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish” “Me first! Me first!” says the administration clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Poof! She’s gone. “Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii,relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.” Poof! He’s gone. “OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 3

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him,”Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.

Lesson 4:

Power of Charisma A turkey was chatting with a bull “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, but I haven’t got the energy.” “Well, why don’t you nibble on my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.” The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story:
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it wont keep you there.

Lesson 5

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Moral of the story:
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
3. And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!

Ephiphany

As I turn 20, I have been having epiphanies. I have been coming to terms with growing older and no longer being a teenager (well mathematically speaking at least.). It has not been easy.

I have realized I have not achieved a great number of things I had set myself to do when I was younger.

Things to do before 20.

1. Ride a bike.
2. Learn how to ride a bike without the training wheels.
3. Donate blood. Willingly.
4. Join a Soup Kitchen. As a volunteer.
5. Sing on stage and perform with a musical instrument. (The last time I did that, it was the triangle.)
6. Draw and paint portraits.
7. Make friends pose for portraits.
8. Learn to drive.
9. Passing the driving exam and actually driving.
10. Rock Climbing.
11. Understand boys.

Ok so, I have managed to not be so much of a noob and have at least learn to drive and ride a bike (without the training wheels). Rock climbing on the other hand that is a different story.
And I am honest enough to say I am no where closer in understanding boys than I was 5 years ago.
They hate you, they like you, they want to touch your hair, they eat your food? See... boys are just so confusing. And they think we are strange.

Pfft. oh well life goes on.

At the end of the day. I think hitting the big 20 is not that big a deal.

ps: my b'day is two months. Presents please! =D

Today is a new beginning.

I remembered the first day I started blogging. I doubted anyone would bother to read it. Somehow a 16 year old boy's kind words and a few jokes had me hooked on writing something, anything almost every single day on a blog that had less than 5 followers.
So sad.

Soon I started having a life beyond the internet and ended up being to busy doing other stuff. So starting today, I am going to do what I have been neglecting to do for these 2 years. BLOG.

E-bay

A man bought a new APC Back-UPS 600 but it wasn't working. So HE brought it to his local service center. This is what they found...

Something to just laugh at.

Growing up.

When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. -1 Corinthians 13:11-
_______________________________________________

I wanted many things when I was younger. (Like a doll house or a dog)
Yet as I grew older I placed those wants aside for something more important in life.
I started wanting more of God instead. I started yearning for my family to be constantly happy and bless. I wished for the grades that made my family, God and I proud of. I started placing importance on my friends and the relationships I made with others. I started looking at things differently.

I realised the sacrifices my family made. And I saw the love God showered on every of us.

The other day I read an article about a man whom stilled lived with his parents even though he is in his late 20's. His mother still does chores for him (washing his clothes, cooking, etc). And he lives off them just as he had from the moment he was born.
One day, she refused to iron his shirt for him and he lost it. Angered, he took a gun and aimed it at her. All the while, threatening to blow her brain out if she refused.
Somehow after he cooled down, she went out of the house and called the police. And to this day he sits there in his little jail cell.

The article really opened my eyes to what would happen to us if we chose not to grow up. And stay stagnant with our closed mindsets, never growing nor changing.
Think about it.

I for one refuse to become like this man. The question is though What about you?

Dave Devries

Eleven years ago Dave Devries started the Monster Engine project with one single question: What would a child’s drawing look like if it were painted realistically?

And so he decided to draw these little drawings....























It makes you have a new perspective on how a child sees things. The art work is slightly odd looking yet one can't help appreciating how it looks.

Yawn

Friendships. People you meet across the street.
Relationships we build as we grow and live our lives. It all falls to this simple chance meeting and that simple greeting. How does friendship start?

Is it fate that a group of people are meant to be so close and influential in each other lives?

If that is so, I thank God for the ones who never fail to

1) pick me up
2) give me a kick when I need it (regardless if I wanted one or not)
3) Lend me cash on those days where my purse goes missing.
4) Be my shoulder when I lost mine.
5) Eat the food on my plate when I'm full.
6) Let me drink their coffee or tea.
7) Drive me home when it rains (or otherwise)
8) Drive me insane with laughter and anger (at the same time)
9) Feed me
10) Do little things that make me wonder if I'm sane.

Green!!

hello there. I know I've been gone for Ages.. but I'm back.

And before I start my thoughts and dreams and posting randomness, I will like to say Happy New Year 2010. Happy Chinese New Year and Happy B'day to all who have turned one year older since January. =D
________________________________________________________

What's new

I've grown taller... with the help of my heels.



Currently in my second year of form 6 and equally studying and slacking each time I get the chance to. Hey, I am after all a teen. You cannot expect me to stay at home all day studying.

I need air after all.

Currently, I am learning to drive. Finally. Although there have been complications that are classified as unforeseen circumstances. For instance, car problems which are not my fault. Honest.

My love life?
well.. wouldn't you want to know. Well I do have someone now who keeps me smiling each day.

Ain't he cute? sigh..Mr Strauss.

And there goes my conscience telling me to finish my essays.
Later. =p

=D I know I don't have speakers but I could not resist.

Shotgun

2 hours had passed as I laid down on my bed. The eyes were starting to close and the mind started to drift to the beginnings of a dream.

And then I heard....Soulja boy

Grr.. dumb radio.
Two words, my neighbours! Its what? 11.00 pm, 1. 30 am? And that music is blasting its loudest through the ceiling. I tell you if I only had a shot gun.

Times like these make me wish I kept the m16 rifle with me instead of that NS belt.

I'm so sleepy

Today has been beyond long. Spent an amazing afternoon with Lach and my girl pals at his place. Ate half the food he served to us and filmed crazy videos.

Made curry.. Awesome.
And now all I want to do is sleep!!

Oh sleep claim me now. sweet sweet sleep.

Drift down to the candy shop...

And get me some lollipops.............. and the song stays stuck in my head all day long. Shucks. Well it could be worse. Halo could be in my head all day. Just one word all the time. A mantra. No!!!

Anyway, I baked muffins and gosh did they turned out great. Next I am going to bake a pie. Yes, you heard me (in this case read me). Pie!!

I never thought I would be going back in the kitchen and baking. If anyone told me I would have months ago, I would have laugh in his face. And look at me now, eating the words I threw at my mum years ago. (I'll never bake, mum. Ever!)

I see her laughing at me at this very moment. (sigh) Mum.

Stretch..

Freedom in its truest sense for me means liberty. It means free will and opportunities. Freedom to grow and to be what you want to be or even more.

Freedom is a dream. And like every dream it has a price. One may want to go overseas to study. In order for that dream to work, that person must have the grades, the determination and the finances. Its the price that you have to pay if you wanted to go that far.
Say someone wanted to build the tallest building in the world. One must be an architect and have both government and non-government organisations investing in the project. One must be knowledgeable and have a team of dedicated people who want to help build that dream with you. The hours spent and the effort put in to make it a reality is the price you need to pay to see it come to life.

We all have the freedom to choose our dreams. We all have the chance to decide which route should we take. And in turn we all have a price we have to pay.

Now the question is how is your dream going to affect the world?

Will your dream build the dreams of others? Or will it destroy? Will it create a better tomorrow? Or will it be always only a dream?

The choice is up to us. And at the end of the day, the world is waiting for an answer.

A Scare

A friend once told me a few years ago that she wanted to end her life.
When you hear stories like these or when you watch a movie about suicide, you never think you would one day have to face something like that. Naturally as a friend you would panic. Some would worry. While a few labeled as nitwits might remain skeptical and probably think it was a ruse to get attention.

Now how do you answer your friend who just told you that. How? Do you say, could you wait? Do you say, I'm sorry? Do you say, I'm not free now but I think we can both end our lives sometime next week at say so and so time and place? What do you tell her?

I still remember that day and I asked her (while praying to the God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit for help.) why. Naturally she'll listed down everything.
1) I hate myself
2) Everyone hates me
3)Nobody likes me
4) No one loves me.

That was basically the gist of it. The sad thing was this person, this incredible person did not even realise her worth or how much she meant to me or everyone around her or even to God. But how could she have known, she was drowning in self pity, guilt and hatred. Everyone can relate to that.
The weird thing was her story was not dramatic. She felt left out.


The fact that she told me this showed me she wanted to live. She was afraid just like many of us. She figured the rest of the world had secret books of life which told of ways to succeed while she was wandering around clueless.

To be honest the one reason why anyone thinks or even does commit suicide is because they think they are unloved.

She just needed to open her eyes.

What did I tell her?
Ahh... loads of things. I told her about the beauty of the world. I told her about the things she has yet to see. I told her about love. The love that her friends and family have of her. I told her about the love God has of her.

Its a scary thing when a person you know thinks about disappearing of the face of the world just to run away from his or her troubles. But in today's world it is becoming a norm. The world is skeptical and so it scoffs at the very notion that love exists when the irony is, the world craves it. Today, there are more than 3 suicides happening each minute of the day. Is it no wonder that sooner or later you might find yourself in the same situation I was in years ago? A friend, a family member, a love one.


I believe though in our current lifetime alone (despite the fact that most of us have never became famous or incredibly rich or have yet to reach our golden years) we have already changed a person's life for the better. And in that made a difference.

How do I know this?

Years ago, I changed my friend's life. Today I am still impacting my friends' lives just because I am their friend.
Look into the lives of those around you and then tell me have you made a difference?

I stole this.

It made me laugh. Hopefully it will put a smile on your face. =)

How do we make a difference?